by Jennie Camp Hudgins

For the most part, our Blue Hydrangea Tea Party hostesses have some connection with ovarian cancer. They might be a survivor or a family member of someone lost to the disease. In some cases, the hostess is a friend of someone with, or lost to, ovarian cancer. Joyce Bartless was just that kind of friend. She was one of my sister’s closest, in fact. But she, herself, was a breast cancer survivor. She had been diagnosed after my sister and another friend in their group were already into their struggles with ovarian cancer. So, for this small group of friends, half of them were fighting a deadly disease. Joyce had been cancer-free for some time when my sister and their other friend succumbed to their metastases only a couple of years apart. Unfortunately, before our first Blue Hydrangea Tea Party, Joyce’s doctors discovered that she, herself, had a metastasis. Still, she whole-heartedly supported our efforts with Blue Hydrangea Tea Party.

She hosted a tea party at her home on May 19, 2007, along with two other friends of that small, close-knit group, Annette Lawton and Barbara Miles. Another friend of Joyce’s, Valerie Lowery, also helped host. This group had grieved the loss of not one but two friends, who had lost the battle with ovarian cancer. They prepared a smorgasbord of salads and other dishes for us to enjoy, as some of us had traveled from out of town. It was a lovely lunch with great fellowship. Of course, she served tea! Joyce spoke to the group before we dove into the food they had prepared. Blue Hydrangea Tea Party was very special to her. She shared with me, for the first time, a scrapbook that she had prepared. To my surprise, she had kept everything from emails to the original invitation from the year before! It was enough to make me ball right there….Our emotions were especially raw that day. Elizabeth’s dad, my sister’s husband, had just been diagnosed with a serious heart condition, and the day was a bit abbreviated, because of our concern for him. He was recovering at home and unable to attend. The event just wasn’t the same without him. Still, we appreciated the efforts of this incomparable group of friends, and together we raised $1,400 for the South Carolina Ovarian Cancer Foundation through Joyce’s Blue Hydrangea Tea Party luncheon.

The day was beautiful and the environment at Joyce’s party was very relaxed. It was a gathering suitable for a mix of family and friends, complete with little ones! She set up the buffet on her kitchen island, and had seating available for those in attendance. Even with her menu, it would have been fine to have guests find a comfortable spot to balance their plate, though, because of the laid-back atmosphere. It was the perfect choice for this group of guests! Had it not been for us all having to scurry after lunch, I imagine it would have been the kind of day that everyone would have lingered for hours….The kind of day that would have seen conversation among small groups split between the men and women, with everyone enjoying the little ones. As it was, we had to leave early in order to check on our patient, who was eagerly awaiting details of the day’s event!

Joyce, along with Annette, Barbara, and Valerie, did a beautiful job in the midst of these unfortunate circumstances….Our whole family appreciated the work that went into the day. In spite of the timing, the day was still a very special event for all of us. It is a bittersweet memory that I have of Joyce standing before the group, as we gathered on the deck before lunch. In the months after that day, she learned that her cancer was progressing despite the efforts of her doctors to thwart it. And, for her family and friends the news continued to be hard to hear. There were ups and downs….The usual rollercoaster ride that cancer treatment seems to be famous for. But, Joyce was typical of these heroic women we all know, who have done battle with cancer. She dealt with each discouraging pronouncement with grace and dignity, and she fought with every ounce of her being. She passed away suddenly during the course of this battle. And, I still don’t think I have completely comprehended it, because she was such a vibrant person. I never saw her again, after that day last May, and the memory that I have of her is the way I’d like to remember her forever….a sweet and supportive friend, who loved like she fought – with every ounce of her being.

Blue Hydrangea Tea Party has chosen the Saturday before Mothers’ Day each year as our target date, but hostesses are welcomed to choose alternate dates that might be more convenient for them and their guests.

by Jennie Camp Hudgins

Welcome to March - In our area it has, indeed, come in like a lion! The prospect of spring always energizes me. I have the predicament of having a surplus of ideas with a deficit of energy, so spring is like a strong cup of Irish Breakfast tea for me! As March ushers in the season, it reminds me of my father. His birthdate was in March. Once, I threw a party for him at my home and he so enjoyed it, because it was the first birthday party he’d ever experienced. As a child he’d never had most of the simple pleasures that we all take for granted. My sister is, also, heavy on my mind during the month of March. It was around this time of year that she was beginning her initial treatment phase for ovarian cancer. Her married name was McCune, so with her connection to St. Patrick’s Day, I made her a huge basket using this as a theme! It is true that certain times of the year….certain seasons….are harder for those of us who have lost loved ones. These seasons cause us to grieve a little more at their loss. I do still grieve. But, I smile, as well, because these seasons remind me of how strong my family was, both in times of celebration and in times of crisis. Although, I still miss the fellowship of my parents and my large scattered family, I have vivid memories of the years we had together that I keep on a continuous loop in my mind!

Time plays some hateful tricks on us….It grows little babies into adults with babies….It takes grandparents and replaces them with their “understudies”….And, it scatters us all like little seeds blowing in a March wind. Time waits for no one….It moves forward….The only way we can hold on to time is through our memories. And, how we struggle with this concept of memory-making. It seems we spend our early years trying to get out from under the requests of our parents to fellowship with our extended families, only to spend the latter years trying to re-create that same fellowship we sometimes begrudged those who loved us the most! And, the cycle goes on….The young families are repeating the patterns of youth and won’t understand the gravity of missed opportunities until they, themselves, are in the second half of their lives. I believe they call this “the circle of life”….It is one of the many things in life that must take its own course, for it seems no matter how hard we try, we cannot alter life’s natural seasons.

We come to realize, in our own time, the fragility of life and the tragedy of missed opportunities. The seasons pass us by and soon we’re looking at life differently. There is a song that I love to sing along to, Who Am I? by Casting Crowns….A line from that song says “I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind”….The song isn’t meant to be fatalistic; it has another message, thankfully! But, it is a reminder of the limited time we have to make a difference here on this earth. Many women have had their plans and their lives interrupted by cancer….Hopes and dreams evaporate like vapor in the wind at the sound of a doctor’s voice announcing a diagnosis of cancer. Everything changes. I’ve heard countless people say that the things that mattered a half second before the utterance of a cancer diagnosis don’t matter much on the other side of that moment. But, by grace go the rest of us….Should we simply walk on, not looking back at those who have fallen? When we decide to turn around and look, and run back to help the fallen get up again, will we have waited too long and missed the opportunity?

There will be a natural course for the ovarian cancer awareness movement, just as there has been for all of the high-profile diseases. It will take time….It will take money….And, unfortunately, it will take more deaths for people to take notice. But, instead of waiting on awareness to trickle down to us, we can take awareness where it needs to be – in our everyday conversations. Through Blue Hydrangea Tea Party events, we can share the stories of those who have fought the disease and those who are still fighting it. We can share the successes and dispel the myths. We can keep talking about the symptoms and supporting the agencies that do the work of awareness. We can even make some wonderful memories! Yes, we will probably struggle to get large numbers of women to commit and follow through with their commitments to host parties. We might usher in this season of awareness more like a lamb than a lion. But, those who actually do serve as tea party hostesses will create a day that will play over and over in a loop for their guests’ memories….And, more importantly, the day might produce one piece of information that plays over and over in one woman’s mind that causes her to seek a doctor’s opinion. That might be the most important memory of all….vital information. If, through these awareness tea parties, one woman gets an early diagnosis because another woman took the opportunity to throw a party, then the circle of awareness will have widened exponentially….Each of these women will have their own story to tell and many other women will have an opportunity and a venue to hear from them….And, time will do its thing, as it usually does…. But, the stories will be memories frozen in time, to be repeated in a continuous loop. And, we will not have any regrets. We will know that for a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of fleeting moments, we will have made a simple decision to turn and look back….to notice the women who have fallen….to go back for them and help them up. However quietly we usher other women into the future knowing more than they did in the past about ovarian cancer, we will not have missed the opportunity. And, we will have made difference.